Adventures In Apathy

2007-03-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

Mr Penial Leg

EP 04

How To Apply A Condom

How to apply a condom
Uploaded by Jonvon

2007-03-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Mr Penial Leg

EP 03

Marathon

Marathon final
Uploaded by Jonvon

More coming soon

2007-02-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

Mr Penial Leg

EP 1

Tunnel of Love

Well here's the first Mostly complete skit I guess of the Lovable Mr Penial Leg

Enjoy.

Final final tunnel of love
Uploaded by Jonvon

2007-02-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

Mr Penial Leg

Test ending for the shorts. Let me know what ya think of this Idea. A simple playback to the oldies.

Cheers

Penis ending final
Uploaded by Jonvon

2007-02-23T15:09:00.000-08:00

Mr. Penial Leg

A compolation of shorts staring
the one and only Mr Penial Leg

Penial leg composition_0001
Uploaded by Jonvon

2006-08-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

WHAT CAN I REALLY SAY...JUST WATCH IT

Gravity was not prepared or evolved enough for this

2006-08-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

My First Real Prayer

Thankyou Jesus

2006-08-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

SICK DAY and DAVE

Well im sick like a leper today, and inbetween dizzy spells and dry heaving I thought it time to actually learn the correct version of one of my favourite songs to play, Tripping billies. I'm almost there with the new way to play the verse, but my heads alittle fuzzy and mistakes will happen.

Either way I thought i'd post it up just for fun...Now just to learn the right way to play it.

No singing with this one, my cam mic sucks too much to pick guitar and vocals...so just instumental.

Later Fellow Assholes

2006-08-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've Seen the Devil and This is Him

Even scarier is this thing will multiply.

2006-08-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

Mr. Heroic, or Little Miss Scream Queen?

Today is a shamefull day, oh so Shamefull. So the day begins at 5:30 am after a well rested sleep. Awake, Alive and alert I felt this morning. The sun was just starting to rise over the roof top just outside my bedroom window. I decided to get up make a coffee and do alittle laundry.

After putting my Wash in the dryer I sat down to watch a little TV while I had my first coffee of the day. Relaxed and Rested I thought it time to Get ready for work. I enter into the bathroom and brush my teeth, and while brushing my teeth I look at my wild out of control side burns and make a decision that they must go. Before starting the shaving process I thought I would kill two birds with one stone and take a swig of icy cool mouth wash.

The shaver now running full speed with the beard trimmer attachment extended and a mouth full of mouth wash I quickly shave off the first wild and out of controll side burn.

And that's when it happend.............

WHAMMMM A spider drops down right over top of my head In the Mirror. I'm panic stricken and immediatly beging stumbling Backwards away from the Devil. Not knowing what to do I throw my shaver at him as I'm tumbling backwards right into the tub. BANG, THUMP. I land on my back in the cold tub, but never taking my eye of the enemy.

The Devil still dangling from his demon rope about 5 feet of the ground right in the middle of the little room and between me and my exit. Almost paralized with fear I realize i have to make a quick decision if i'm to escape this horrible situation alive. So I slink over the side of the tub like a snake and crawl across the floor on my stomach right out the bathroom door

ESCAPED, I get up and run to the kitchen to spit out the Now burning mouth was into the sink. My heart is racing 100 miles an hour (proby trying to get away from the devil and his demon rope) I think to myself, "I can't leave the house with one side burn shaved? can I?". No of course I can't. I grab a news paper and very carefully and pathetically baby step my way back towards the washroom door.

I peer around the corner with the news paper cocked ready for action. But there's nothing. My eyes slowly raise up to see El Diablo back on the ceiling waiting, waiting for me to come back in so he can jump in for the kill. I take a big breath and use all my courage to jump up and hit him with the news paper. WACK!! he falls down still attached to his demon rope, wiggling enough for me to know he's still alive. I never should have expected the devil to die that quickly. So I take another brave, forcefull swing at him like a pinata and SMACK he goes flying...........But where? where did he land? is he dead? or worse.............. is he on me some where?

Just wanting out of my house right now i lean in the bathroom grab the shaver and quickly shave the other side burn off. Dropping the shaver I run to my room grab my bag, heart still beating like a race horse (or a coward) I make my way out the door.

I can still picture him, screaming as he jumps in for the attack. Alll eight legs extended exposing his venemous fangs as I hear his death squeal....Or maybe his friends were up in the corner watching as he say's, "hey guys, I can smell the fear on this sissy dick...Watch as I make him cower before me."

Well to you spider I say, HA HA HA...Very funny. You win..if that's what you want to hear then fine. I'll repeat myself...YOU WIN.

I think i'm going to go tuck my dick between my legs now and cry until about lunch hour.

SNIFF

2006-08-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

THE DRUNKEN PORN REVIEW

So I've been watching alot of porn again lately...ahhahah not that i ever stopped...but let's just say i've been downloading alot more porn then usual. As opposed to just going on the www.thehun.com for my daily dose of the dirty's. Lately i've come acustomed to the full lenght porno. scene after scene of fantasticly naked women doing things i can only dream about.

But lately something has been really bothering me. Something that has been making me skip entire sequences and even lose my ever precious erection. ANAL SEX...I don't care if you Gay, Straight or BI. That is just dirty and it dosen't work for me. I don't want to see a guy ram is heavy meat into the ass of a so called 30 year old teenager. Not when there is a perfectly readily available vagina right in front of you. Why fuck the pork chop when you can have the steak.???? I dont know do you??

I don't care how much you clean, stuff still hangs onto the walls. Unless your mister dress up going up that ass with a set of pipe cleaners i guarantee that there is still some shit hanging on. So don't tell me you cleaned..I bet if Nanny 911 went into your ass she would find a mess.

So i guess what i'm saying is, Please for the love of my holy load porn industry...have a disclaimer telling me that my b0nner will be wasted on hard core anal sex before i Pirate porno from the internet.

I must go satisfy my self now.

if there are more spelling mistakes then normal, it's because i'm drunk at 8 pm on a sunday....yeah yeah yeah i have a problem...

If you haven't figured that out yet then your an idiot.

2006-08-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

SQUIRT GUN'S and STRIPPERS

Some time ago.. Let's call it 1999 maybe in the month of June. I find my self in the capital of the great land we call Canada. I'm in Ottawa with my animation class for the international animation festival. Surrounded by artist of all walks of life, the visual history of our great country Is engulfing me with every breath and every sight.

Surrounded by culture and Art Myself and 24 other classmates decide the only thing we can do is hit up some of the local strip bars and really soaked in some culture. Within the hour we find ourselves at a local strip club...Fucking Culture wall to wall..big titted culture, little titted culture...short culture, tall culture....Even a few culture enthusiest that like inserting things into them selves...God bless exhibisionishts.

When suddenly A stripper comes out on stage wearing a very cute cowboy hat, assless chaps and a nice little frilly top with a bag in her hands. She immediatly say's she needs 5 voluteers to come up and sit in Pervey row. After making quite the scene i get picked as one of the lucky volunteers to sit and bask in perverted glory with 4 other complete strangers.

CowLady opens the bag and hands each one of us drunken cassanovas a super soaker squirt gun. So many things run through my head as she begins to dance and I watch these 4 fools shooting this unfortunate human being with what i hope was water.

After a minute of watching and wondering Cowlady stands with her back to us, bends over and grabs her ankles. The only thing you can see now is her asshole and cunt in our faces. So the Drunken quartet beging laughing and shooting her in the pussy. All I could think about at this moment was, what exactly when wrong in her life where she's standing on stage infront of 4 strangers getting shot in the asshole and cunt with super soakers. That's when i realized that I cannot shoot her in the privates, My mother would be so ashamed. So i look down at her Knees and stare into her depressing face and line up my sights, waiting, waiting patiently, Then it happened. She opened her eye's and WHAM i start pelting her in the eyes with my super soaker. She let's go of her ankles and falls over hidding her face from the onslaught of super soaker fire.

The entire bar erupts in laughter, everyone from the drunken old men to the 300Lbs bouncer standing at the door. Everyone but the cowLady that is. She wasn't too impressed, maybe due to the insane laughter, I don't know, all i know is she wasn't impressed.

Now sitting alittle further back on the stage with her legs spread and her head arched back pointing her tit's into the air. The 4 wonders continue to shoot her in the tit's and and cunny. (im sure these morons were giving each other high 5's with each successful shot to the box or tit). I once again sit patiently like a stone, waiting for the perfect shot. When suddenly cowLady rolls her head around and opens up her eyes.

BLAM WHAM BLAMMMmmm...Shot again in the face. Immediatly she rolls over onto her side covering her face from my deadly aim . LOL ...Deadly aim...hahah. The entire bar errupts in laughter while the deadly 4some continues to try and shoot her in what ever glimps of the strippers privates they can see on her defensive crumpled posture.

That's when i feel the tight grip on my shoulder, I look up and it the huge bouncer trynig not to laugh and he tells me if i do it again i'm gonna have to leave. He then chuckles and walks away. Far from the worst threat i've ever gotten in my life.

Feeling alittle let down thinking to myself, "This gowLady would rather be shot in the pussy, tit's and ass then in the face by complete strangers." I said fuck it. I stood up and starting off loading the remainder of water all over her. She starts running around the stage trying to avoid the line of fire when the bar explodes laughing. Suddenly i'm lifted right out of my seat into the air being moved towards the door. The bouncer hiding his face so the stripper dosen't she him laughing, even though you could see his whole chest shaking with laughter.

Dropped at the entrance i head down the stairs feeling like I was the winner in that battle when i hear, "HEY YOU!" I turn around and it's the bouncer chasing me down the street looking for the water gun back. HAHAHAH a 3 dollar water gun and she can't afford another one.. I don't know maybe it was going to hold some setimental value for her.

Stripper 0,

JonVon 1,

We will meet again.

2006-08-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

MISSING OUT

FROM TOUCHING MYSELF

So there's a new problem in my life. Something that's been plaguing me since the start of the warm, muggy season. Each night or morning sometimes a couple times in the afternoon I enjoy alittle....uummm..let's call it Masturbating. And I don't mean a little jerk here or there. A quick little tug 'O' fun. I go to town. I take my time, finding something interesting to watch. but not anything, i will search and search until I find exactly what it is that's going to get me to that place I wanna be in my sexual minds eye.

Now for the problem. Since i like taking my time and enjoying the experience I've been noticing alittle more sweat then normal due to the Extreme Temperature and Muggyness. The problem being I get so heat exhausted that I feel like I can't continue, so i have to keep stopping for a second here and a second there. I feel the exhaustion building with each stroke, I know I only have a certain amount of time before my body gives out and i have to start over. So I feveriously start hammering my way through the TV channels, searching, hunting for that one image, that one booty shake in a rap video that will put me over the top and make me explode...BUT...I don't...Exhaustion takes over, LeatherFace (my penis) softens and I know all to well, that I now have to start over again.

Feeling defeated laying in my own pool of sweat, I throw a fit punching and kicking the bed like a child.. Now laying there, Semi-hard penis in hand, covered in sweat staring at the cigarette stained ceiling, I think of way's to solve this problem.

Do I do it in the cold shower everytime??? NO that's too much effort.

Do I do it infront an open window hoping for a breeze?? NO, Children and old people might see. or i would lose my balance and fall over.

I know...I do it in front of the sink. One hand on leatherface and the other under the running cold water. This way i can splash Cold water on my face while never losing the all important stoke needed for success..

I think I have a plan. I'm glad I got to talk this out.

Well got me some things to try tonight...Gotta go.

2006-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

Once upon A time There was a Beautiful Princess, And her Handsome Prince. They Were Happy Together Spending all there Free Time frolicking and Dancing, eating wild boars and staring longingly into each others eyes.....Then, He Head Butt the Beast.

One thing i've learned people through my various sexual exploits Is that Head butting a girl in the nose as fore play sometimes get's the job done. This is my favorite Sexual encounter story....I would like people to note that it's not my favorite Sexual experience..But it's defiantly one of the funniest sexual stories I have. There Is NOTHING SEXY or EROTIC about this.

Week after week the same girl (who will remain nameless) would drive my and everybody else home from the bar, conviently dropping me off last every night. Dropping me off last and trying to make some advances on me. Though I was having Nothing to do with this fluxuating fatty...Until...LOL one night I just happened to be drunk enough. Sure I could have just stop taking rides with her..Stopped talking to her...But in my broken drunken Mind, I was sure that if i fucked her good and hard that would be the end of it....We'll I was wrong...So so so wrong...*sniff* *tear*

So I find my self in my mothers basement(classy i know), drunk Sitting on the couch of dirty secrets, staring drunkenly up at this wollap of a woman hovering over me with a crazed sex look that warrants drool. The little voice in my head Saying, "Just do it, get it over with, it won't be that bad." when my thoughts are instantly interrupted and pinned down by the now shirtless, slobbering Beauty perched ontop of my lap.

ENTER THE HALARITY.

She immediatly stands up and reaches down and grabs a hold of my shirt to pull it off of me.. (Because thats what i was really looking forward to..SKIN ON SKIN action) But myself being drunk and not really knowing what Was going on thought she wanted me to stand. Though why stand when you can jump up as fast as you can. So I jump up as fast as a drunken frightened skinny boy can and then it happened......*WHAAMMMMM* The top of my head smashes into her down ward looking face...Not just the face, but the nose and mouth. Instantly wrapping her hands around her face she falls to the couch making noises reminiscent of a whale and cattle Opera. MMMMUUUUWWWWWWAAAAHHHHH....MMMMUUUUUWWWAAAAHHhhh.

At a loss for words staggering left and right semi shirtless, I do the one thing that felt right..Instantly begin to Laugh. Staring at her, giggling like a drunk clown at an elementary school fuction, she pulls her hands away from her nose and mouth and mumbles, "is it ok?"

BLOOD EVERYWHERE....That's what i see. Running down across her newly fattened lip arcoss her chin and dripping on her Tits. Now if that's not Comedy then I don't know what is. So I don't say anything and just begin laughing again. Harder and louder until she said, "can you get me something to clean this up.!!"

I work my way down the hall and retrieve a roll of paper towel...(no soft moisturized kleenex here) Standing in the bathroom door i throw it at her. HAHAHA why i threw it I don't know...But HAHAHA. A good 20 minutes go by while the Fluxuating shirtless Fatty get's control of the blood faucet on her face. Laughter still continues from my end making the situation barable for her i'm sure.

The floor now covered in Bloody paper towel The shirtless wonder looks to me with only a fat lip to remind me of the whollap i gave her and says as she begins rubbing her tits and cunny, " are you ready?"

HAHAHAHAHA...Not sure what to do with all the possible implications running through my head...I come to the only noble thing i can think of.

I fucked her.

And i will never regret it.

Jonvon Long Dong strikes again.

2006-08-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

SPEAKING THE TRUTH IS A CRIME??

So Mr. Mel Gibson, Detective Martin Riggs, William Wallace, 'Mad' Max Rockatansky, And now Anti-Semitic?? I'm not to sure on this new casting call for Mr. Gibson, Racist to the stars, bigot what ever you want to call it.

The only thing I see wrong with the drunken Statement is the reaction from the mass's, when they finally hear someone speak the truth about the state of the world.

I'm sure Booze pushed him over the edge a bit, definatly clouded his Judgement, maybe even pushed that extra little bit of hate into his words. But it still comes down to the fact that he was speaking his mind, saying what I think is hard to argue to argue against, "MOST OF THE WARS IN THE WORLD ARE CAUSED BY THE JEWS" Maybe not directly but they've always been involved in one way or another. From the Time of the Egyptians, through the Crusades, right up to our recent little Skirmish in lebanon.

The Name Jerusalem which means "City of Peace" seems pretty Ironic Given the state of the city ever since recorded history. No other Country or City has ever seen this much war. It's Disgusting to think About that all this killing, all these dead mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and children is all over religion. All over a "GOD" that "LOVES EVERYONE" Well there God dosen't seem to love the innocent women and children that Are rocked ona daily basis by RPG's mortar fire and the rumbling of tanks through there city street.

I'll tell you what I would like to see. I would like to see a Priest or Minsiter or the Mother fucking Pope himself walk down the streets of war torn Lebanon or Israel picking up pieces of dead children and tell me if he found God under any of them.

Any person who is Ignorant enough to worship a God that permotes Such Savage acts Deserves to Die. Screw you and your God....Actually god..(he dosen't deserve my caps) The only Race or nationality that will ever truly find god will be the winner of this religious war. (if that happens)..But it won't be because the deserve it, it will be a default decision due to the fact that there the last people standing.

Apparenty the 10 commandments were only ment for none muslim and Jewish Extreamist.

So yes I support Mr. Gibson in his voiced opinion, I will actually take that a step further and say I support and agree with him. It took alot of booze and a DUI but the truth is finally out. Thankyou mister Gibson.

I've also found a really entertaining south Park Mel Gibson parody I like... Nothing to really do with this..But it's fucking Halarious..

Thank you world for reminding me once again about all the things i hate about Organized Religion.

2006-05-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

FROM THE CROSS

Featuring JC ....Jesus Christ

Well people this has been a long time coming. I've been joking and talking about it forever and I finally worked up the effort to do a teaser.

Well it's not really a teaser but more of a Animation test..but it still made me laugh..

Enjoy...

For some reason Jesus saying, "Nigga You the Devil" is just funny.

More, "FROM THE CROSS" coming soon!

JC will return in, "The Whooft"

2006-05-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

TROUBLES AT BAYSIDE HIGH

Queer or not I loved this show.....And I'm not afraid to admit it....eerr...uummm maybe that should be not ashamed or embarassed to admit it. Either way I think these video's really capture the true essence of Saved by the Bell, Featuring Mark-paul gossalar, mario lopez, dustin diamond, tiffany amber thiessen, Lark Voorhies, Elizabeth berkley and dennis haskins as the beloved Mr. Belding.

This shit's halarious.

"If I had a dirt hole i'd sit in it right now and cry alittle to myself"...

Jonvon On Erectile Dysfunction

2006-05-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

EXPERIMENTS
WITH
INBREEDING

In breeding has always been the brunt of many, many jokes for a long time. Today I would like a chance to talk about the Pros and Con's of actual inbreeding.

To come up with a proper soloution we first need a sample. I've collected two possible candidates for our inbreeding experiment. Candidate 1, Me, Jonathan Vaughan, a very simple minded but to average excuse for a male. Candidate 2, Lisa Vaughan. Not as simple as me nor as average, but with a picture like that people will believe anything.

So for the sake of the experiment we are going to pretend that Lisa and I are 1st cousins. (hell who knows we could be). We are from a small town, with no secrets and no employment......and the possibility of no teeth after the age of 30. We first meet at the age of 1 yr at a family BBQ. And remain friends throughout our childhood right up until adolescence, right about the time our Hormon's go into over drive.

After a long akward night in the barn loft, the happy 15yr old couple is left with a bun in the oven.....The question now is, will it be french italian bread, or sour dough....My moneys on sour dough.

And after 9 long months we have an answer...........( it was actually 7 months due to severe complications.)

OH MY FUCK!!!

SUPRISE, IT'S FUCKING UGLY!!

Now if that isn't a picture waiting to be forgotten on a milk carton I don't know what one is. After spending the first half of it's life, trying to figure out weather to wear underwear with DICK HOLES or not, the Monster finally takes its own life due to absolute shame and humility.

So I said this would have some pros and con's.....We'll I can really think of a Pro to condone what's gone on here......So i'm just going with a big fat CON....People Inbreeding is truly funny...Keep up the jokes, the shame, the humiliation and the disfigured toddlers.

2006-05-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

IT's BEEN QUITE A FEW DAY'S SINCE MY LAST POST

It certainly has been a couple days since my last post. Not that i've run out of things to say or complain about, I just haven't had the time. But just yesterday a friend sent me these pictures and I think there friggin halarious.. Take a look at these Sexy, Intelligent pieces of Photography.

Enjoy

OPTICAL ILLUSION

Nope, that's no optical Illusion, That's actually a bottle hanging out of her belly button. Unlike other amateurs who only hang little beer bottles out of there stomach, The Crusher here goes for A nice 2 L bottle of wine, Possible crowning her the world champion of trailer park trash bottle opening.

(Note the small trace of underwear sneaking out from under her stomach fat. And if I had to make A bet on what type of under wear she was wearing, I would assume they had dick holes in them)

PRINCE FUCKING CHARMING

I'm glad to see this man sticking up for his rights. Now that's equal rights at its best. You bought em gran 'ma you can carry em!! LOL This picture definatly makes me smile.

What would make it even better is if she actually paid for his too.

(is it possible she's got the dick hole underwear syndrome also??? HHmmmm?)

YOU CERTAINLY CAN SEE ME!

LOL his holyness Certainly is the life of the party.

Lookie Lookie, Pope's got a cookie.......but only for those that need to confess a dirty dirty, sweaty sin...

Or maybe he's on the look out for his next "Priest treat"( alter boy)

He could also be Doing his best Robin Williams impression...But I'm sure he's just showing a new class of Bishops and Priests the best ways to peek through holes in bathroom walls with out getting any dirt or dust into your sensitive eyes...

Church Issues are so important.

(also a love of the underwear with Dick holes)

WHERE'S WALDO?

lol I don't even need to say anything, This picture makes my penis move alittle...Not enough to go to the bathroom and rub one out...But it's a good start.

My hat's off to the luckiest man alive...or possibly dead now due to severe embarassment and shame, or definate suffocation.

UNDERWEAR WITH
DICK HOLE'S

IS FUNNY SHIT!

2006-05-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

GIRL I WISH I GOT TO KNOW

by Jonvon

There's The video It's alittle out of sync because of how YouTube converted it..I'll try to fix it some time.

Chords

Verse G, C, D

Chours G, F, C

Verse 1

In the bank I see you standing there, I love the way you look and curled your hair.

If I had the nerve I'd say hello...........Girl I wish I got to know.

In the alley I see you walk by, I know you'd like me cause i'm a nice guy.

I said hello but you just had to go....Girl I wish I got to know.

From the bush's i can see through your window, sitting alone just watching you go.

I'll put on my mask and do it slow...............Bitch i'm gonna kill you slow.

Chorus

Bitch bitch I'm gonna kill you slow, I'm gonna squeez your throat I'm gonna make you moan.

Bitch bitch you never will grow old I'm gonna cut you up and watch you decompose.

Verse 2

Legs twitching and your face is shaking, Stab slash then a funny tingling.

Then I'll point to you and let you know............Bitch i'm gonna kill you slow.

In the woods at night with me you'll be, Broken mangled and alive just barley.

You'll scream and beg me to let you go...........Bitch I'm gonna kill you slow

chorus

I dig a hole and kick you the fuck in, The headlines tell me what you would have been.

I see a Victim now i have to go...........Girl I wish I got to know.

2006-05-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

63 and

PREGNANT

I saw this on the news this morning and it turned my stomach just alittle. A 63 or 64 year old woman is going to have a baby. Now I hope that i'm not alone in saying, "THAT'S JUST WRONG."

And to top it all off she wasn't even pregnated the traditional way, she had to go and get artificialy inseminated. Not that she couldn't find an eager grandpa willing to ride that wild horse, Hell i would have done it just for the media coverage. But alas, being a single, lonely widower she opted for Insemination.

Now just to make it clear with everyone, my problem dosen't lay with the insemination, but with the depressing, abandoned and isolated life of this soon to be orphan. Why the hell would anyperson want to do that to a child. I'm aware that accident do happen and sometime old people do have kids and raise them well into there 20's. Though the odd's are definatly staggering over top of them, that they will even live to see them make it to junior high. But to willingly go out and inseminate yourself with child at that age is absolutley disgusting.

I Figured I could make a small list of potential problem I forsee:

1. Mother dies during delivery, from sever stain on her system due to pregnancy

2. Baby dies inside of the withered old uterus due to malnurishment

3. Baby is born but soon chokes to death because the mother is to arthritic to run for help.

4. Kid commits suicide at the age of 6 due to a whole new breed of YOUR MOMMA JOKES

5. Mother dies, though the shelterd childs mind snaps and we have another norman bates.

6. Child beats mother to death after eating one too many hard candies and cups of tea for lunch.

7. Child is home schooled in the fine art of the PRICE IS RIGHT and can never find real work and dies very poor.

8. Child is caught masturbating to JC penny catalogues but mother can't explaine the birds and the bees because she was artifically inseminated.

9. Everyday's a new day when you have alzheimer's

10.Trying on your mothers clothes never fucked a child up more.

Apparently you don't get more mature and responsible with age.

Well done lady

2006-05-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

$161 MILLION TO BOARDER SECURITY?????

WHAT THE FUCK??

I did this little chart up to show where I think the fate of our country and the world is going with his rolay dictator Stephen Harper at the helm of our once great and beautiful country.

Click to enlarge chart.

I can't get over this Harper Government. It's disgusting and obvious he's trying to turn our own Great nation of Canada into the United States. I would just like to discuss a few highlights from the budget that stuck me as alittle odd.

1. $161 million for increased Boarder control.

WTF??? who and what do we need $161 million dollars to protect ourselves from at the boarder? We'll we only boarder with one country the USA and I don't think Pals Harper and Bush need that kind of protection from each other.........But maybe, Just maybe because the USA has insane, overly protected boarder patrols and security, Harper thinks we need it also..Since the man can't think for himself I would say this is very likely. And of course there is always the FEAR angle. Make people think there is a threat and you can get away with anything, as long as the people think it's in there best interest.... THREAT LEVEL ORANGE PEOPLE...FEAR FEAR FEAR....Well DAMN we better just invade someone. FUCK YOU HARPER...give the money to a food bank, where it's actually needed.

2. $5.5 billion...BILLION..BILLION!!! To increase our Armed Forces!!

WOW!! WOW!! That's alot of medic packs to hand out. Maybe we could use the money to go to starving countries and build well's and Farms, help rebuild there agriculture back up so they can support themselves and stop killing each other for food. Take away peoples reason to fight and what are we left with??? Well if your Bush, a war in Iraq for Oil...But not everyone is a Dictator.....DON'T BE A DICTATOR HARPER YOU DICK!!

3. $450 million to Aboriginals for education programs for families, safe water and better housing.!!

Hey over here Government..Yup me the little guy in the corner. You know i was born here also in this great land. I work hard, pay my bills and respect my fellow man. Though sometime i find it hard to pay my bills or rent, or don't always have money for food. How about giving me a free house and education (or at least better rates on my student loan).....Oh wait I understand, I haven't bitched or complained enough or embarassed the government enough to have this little problem of mine paid off and swept under the rug. Out of sight and out of mind.
I work for what I have and so should they.

4. Child care, Sports tax, Transit tax, TAX TAX TAX....

I'm a single white male. Steadily employeed and a hard worker. So where are my big breaks? How about a break in Incom tax's? like your giving to the unemployeed lower class just so they don't feel penalized for working...touchee...let's support the leeches of the welfare system. FUCK YOU.

I could go on but it just makes me angrier and angrier the more i write about it.

So say good bye to Canada "our home and native land" because with Harper in control and the conservatives it's begun...We are turning into the dictating, fear permoting, selfish USA.

GOD SPEED CANADA

2006-05-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

WOULDN'T SAYING YES JUST BE EASIER?

Guy's you really have to watch where you step....That's just disgusting!

2006-05-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

HOW TO CREATE......

A SPOILED BRAT!!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! First off before everyone get's there hate on for me and my Infinate Racism, I would like to say I'm not a racist. Shit bothers me and I speak my mind, and this shit bothers me.

The once so Noble and pround Indians of North America (seen above) are a huge part of our heritage. There legacy deserves respect and admiriation I believe. Though I also believe that the half Indians or quarter Indians that live on the reserves all over our great country do not deserve anything that isn't earned. Sure we came to your land, burned your Tee-Pee's (lol tee-pee), mated with your women and wiped out your food supply so we could sell the furs for profit. But that was then and this is now. GET THE FUCK OVER IT!! YES, it did happen, no one is denying it.

But they won't get over it and the Government isn't making it anybetter by giving them land, houses, food, cars....Basically what ever they want! I don't really blame it all on the Natives, If the government wanted to give me everything i needed to survive i wouldn't complain...Shit, i might even quit my day job. No need in working for anything when it's all provided. I might as well throw ambition right out the window, Won't be needing that anymore.

Now that the Government has them where they want them, swept under the rug, out of sight and out of mind, life can again continue. But SUPRISE!!! it dosen't!! Now they want more land, more hunting rights, more money..more more more!!! Well all I can say to that is, if your going to spoil your child expect him to stomp his feet when he wants a better bigger present for christmas, and they want.

Though the greatest present they've been given in my opinion is a FREE EDUCATION!! Maybe this hasn't been explained to them, the intricate workings of a proper education...But i'll try to expline it the best way I can.

Education

ed·u·ca·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (j-kshn)n.
The act or process of educating or being educated.
The knowledge or skill obtained or developed by a learning process.
A program of instruction of a specified kind or level: driver education; a college education.
The field of study that is concerned with the pedagogy of teaching and learning.
An instructive or enlightening experience: Her work in the inner city was a real education.

Now i'm sure that might be alittle confusing at first, so I thought of a soloution that may help you understand. Explained in Native reserve talk.

Jimmy "drink like a fish" a-walk-walk just spent his whole monthly allowance on cheap booze and smokes, and now he has no more money till next month. If Jimmy "drink like a fish" a-walk-walk had an education he could make his booze and smokes and have enough for a life time.

Basically it's take alittle pride in yourself, stop accepting handouts from the Government, start making a better example for your kids and at leasttry to make the appearance of wanting more for yourself and stop being STUPID INDIANS!! Show the people of this country that you do want more then what's given to you. Show us you want what is earned and deserved.

2006-04-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

HAHA MICHAUD
MisterMichaud makes me laugh.

MisterMichaud said...
I know you've been taking alot of self-portraits lately, so I really hope that isn't your cock I'm looking at... again, and again... and again...
2:28 PM
MisterMichaud said...
Oh great... it just occured to me that if anyone ever does a google search for "MisterMichaud cock" that they'll wind up here.You can thank me for the thousands of hits later.
2:29 PM

GOD BLESS you buddy...I really hope it does come up in everyones search..Everyone do a search for Mistermichauds cock.

2006-04-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

SOME RANDOM PICS THAT I LIKE

LOL I don't think I need to say anything about this one!

This picture is perfect!! Great way to explain the bush mentality. For years Hitler was commiting disgusting act of Genocide and waging war on the countries around him while his people sat happy In there houses sipping tea and going to the theatre. Goes to show you what keep information from your own people can do for your popularity.. (like not showing the bodies of fallen soldiers coming home so the people don't have to face the facts and realize what is really going on) And i'm pround to say our own Stephen "the tag along" Harper is folling in what ever big brother bush says to do. That's fucking disgusting.. We are our own country, why make the same mistakes another dictator has already made.

I personally Loved Clinton. He was a fantastic president who did alot for that country..So what he had an affair with another woman. There blessed Kennedy open admitted to fucking Marilyn Monroe... ???? Makes no sense...Bring him back....Let him fuck who ever he want's, as long as he's not waging fake wars for oil.

Lookig for people to Come up with Other captions for this photo.

I'll start...

"YES, But can your president to THIS!!!"

2006-04-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

DRINKING AND JAIL AND NUDITY OH MY!!

Part 1

I don't know how many times i've been asked to tell this story...but it is alot!! So I just thought it easier to write it down. So here you go with, "Adventures in the drunk tank."

Not to many years ago while i was still working in the tattoo industry, I left work late around midnight to go meet some friends at the bar for our weekly wednesday night drunk at O'learys pub in Saint John.

After a few pints of brew sitting on the patio out back with a group of friends speaking in badly acted english accents a stranger comes and sits with us. To drunk to realize where he's at we took him in and shared some laughs. Eventually out of no where this stranger stands up and call's the smallest one of our friends a faggot!! Insulted but respecting the establishment we all just stand and tell this fool that he had better go before he get's the hell beat out of him. Slowly and sluring under his breath the moron staggers off through the door. Not 10 seconds later he comes back through the door wielding a patio chair and huff's it across the table at a girl I had been seeing. Realising what he had done he immediatly turn and books it out the door.

At that point, our whole table in single file, stands and follows this idiot out the door of the bar. Once outside we stand in a restricting circle around him so he can't escape allowing the girl to get a couple good punch's in before he began to flee back to the bar. The bouncers met us at the door trying to stop everyone from getting back in. At this time my best friend in one sweet motion punchs the moron in the back of the head followed by a straight kick to the middle of his spine, sending him hurdling back into the bar.

So the idiot, the antagonizer was allowed back in the bar but us, the faithfull patrons of the establishment we left out in the cold? FUCK THAT!!! We immediatly head back around the bar and enter through the patio door.

Scanning the room looking for this idiot in a crowd of drunks, the two bouncers approach my friend and I telling us we have to leave. We responded with a very abrassive, "FUCK YOU". The bouncers not use to that type of attitude in a fairly layed back bar just turn and walk away.. LOL...Good job boys...way to take pride in your work.

Thinking we lost the Idiot Stick, we begin to head back to the patio, when a strange girl say's "aren't you going to do anything to that asshole?", pointing him out for us in the crowd. I immediatly grab her beer and throw it through the crowd. THUCK!! the bottle cracks him in the back of the head, amazingly not breaking. Instantly the guy stagers for the door, heading outside and up the street.

My friend and I take off through the back alley to try and cut them off. We do, and find him being walked down the street by another guy and a girl. Obviously his friends that weren't bothered to stick up for him in the bar...Good friends!!

Thes two try cutting us off, the Girl screaming at me, "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? HE'S SORRY LEAVE HIME ALONE!! HIT ME IF YOU WANT TO HIT SOMEONE!!."

So I told her if she wanted, I would hit her once as hard as I could, then we would call it even for there friend throwing a chair at my date. Suprisingly she backed down. Just then the other guy started getting lippy, so my friend picked up a good sized rock and threatend him with it.. And AMAZINGLY, he backed down too. During all this commotion the target, or the moron as i like to call him vanished around the corner. How stupid we thought and took off after him.

Not one block down the road we stop.. He's gone! Where the hell could he have gone? We decide that he must have gotten into a cab or ran into one of the apartment buildings. They only way we were getting an answer was to interrogate the happy couple following us. My best friend had his rock so i decided i needed a torture tool for my self. I found a nice BIG rock..and I mean big, this puppy was a 20lbs two hander.

Once the couple caught up with us we immediatly started wtih the question's. "Where is he? where did he go? where are you from? Waving our rocks around like mad men. They told us there were from out of town, staying at the Holiday Inn. MISTAKE!!..That's when we told them we were all getting in a cab and heading to the hotel so this Moron can get his beatings. That when RICKY (that's what i decided to call him, and amazingly he answered to it) started to get lippy. My friend yells at him, "Shut you mouth or im gonna smash you with this little rock and while your laying on the ground my buddy is gonna drop the big one on your face!!!" WELL!!!

The girl falls to the ground crying, just balling her eyes out, Ricky stands there petrified. My friend and i just start Laughing our ass's off realizing the situation we have gotten ourselves into.

Then we tell Ricky to take us to the moron or we will take the beating out on him. That's when the girl stands up with tears in her eyes and screams, "Don't Hurt HIM I LOVE HIM!!!!" LOL hahahaha. That shit was too funny. I drop my rock i'm laughing so hard and say, "well your in the clear now your just to pathetic to hit." That's when she starts running down the road towards the crowd at the intersection screaming , "HELP HELP"

We start walking and I tell Ricky to come with us, My friend raise's his rock to heard him along. As we get closer to the intersection we see her running from person to person asking for help. Little did she know they were all friends of mine. I scream,"Don't help that cunt!!"

Just then people all around her start to laughing, she panics and runs across the street to a passing police car. OOPPSSSS..

The police officer gets out and comes over to see what the problem is. SoI told him.. There friend hit my girl friend with a chair and i wanted to beat the shit out of him. That's when the cops say, "Just go home your drunk!"

So i said, "FINE, i'll tell you what i just got a brand new patio furniture set...I'll go home work it in on some bitchs face then you can come over and tell me what a good job i did." WRONG!! Not the right thing to say in retrospect.

Just then I hear, "GET HIM!!" when suddenly i was swarmed by 4 cops and hand cuffed. As i'm being led to the paddy wagon another friend walks around the corner oblivious to the situation and yells, "what's going on?" The cop says, "you wanna go to the drunk tank too?"

He responds, "SURE!!" So now he's cuffed and thrown in the back of another cruiser.. TSK TSK TSK...quite the situation. Who would have thought they would make such a big deal over alittle torture of a couple tourists.. Not me!

Well I will continue the other half later...An evening in the tank..

To be continued

2006-04-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

10 THING'S I'D LIKE TO DO

10: Go to a support meeting for Deaf People and act sympathetic while pretend that there Blind.

9: Go to a support meeting for Blind people and rob them.

8: Get a job as a day care worker.....(enough said on that one)

7: Get fired from my day care job and collect unemployment while plotting my next deviant act.

6: Have a group of naked fat people paint themselves like whales and organize a suprise parade through a busy down town district.

5: Take the next bible pusher that comes to my door and tie him down to a chair while I perform the worlds nastiest lap dance.

4: Magicaly replace all the Crack and Heroine in the world with estrogen pills.

3: Make a person with no arms do a hand stand at gun point.

2: Actually take the time to listen when people talk to me.. (most likely won't happen)

1: Have sex with a prostitute, tell her I love her and then propose just to try and get out of paying her for her services.

2006-04-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

DO THEY??

I saw this and just had to comment. I guess the first thing that came into my mind is, do retarted children actually think about fucking. Are we that imbedded with the natural instinct to reproduce and populate that even retarted children feel there loins burning for passion? All I can say is I hope so.

The image of two mentally retarted people (Kids or adults) going at it gives me a feeling of glee. A feeling like I just watched the best comedy of my life.

How akward can a sexual experience get you ask? Well picture Mr. Autism and Mrs. Syndrome, laying uncomfortably in a bed facing each other. Each one adorned in there favourite evening wear. (Most likely a diaper and a scuba diving mask). Neither one sure where to start or why there even there. All Mr. Autism knows is that his elephant trunk has been leading him to water, while Mrs. Syndrome lays motionless in her Scuba Diving mask thinking about the genius who discovered penut butter and jam were made for each other.

Eventually Mr. Autism let's the trunk out to get a drink, but instead of casualy sliding it into Mrs. Syndromes honey pot, he grabs it by both sides and begins pissing all over Mrs. Syndromes face. At that exact moment Mrs. Syndrome realizes wearing the scuba mask must have been fate and that her and Mr. autism were ment to be together like Peanut butter and Jam.

They lived a happy Life together pissing, laughing and clapping through there sexual escapades..

Well that's how I think it would happen.

At least it would be funny to see.

2006-04-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

Does Anyone Else See A Connection Here???

I can't turn the God Damn TV on now adays, or open a news paper or magazine with out the horrible state of our nations Obese Children staring back at me. Staring at me, telling me it's my fault there fat, that it's TV's fault for making them Lazy, that it's video games stripping away there ambition's, that hey have a glandular problem.

Now they have pretty much completely stripped the schools of junk food in the caffeterias and vending machines. How could I have been so stupid all this time. The answer was right there in front of my face.....VENDING MACHINES!!!! Of course, that one candy bar or bag of chips is causing our nations youth to explode in obesity. There I go again never seeing the obvious.....stupid, stupid, stupid me. (but not fat)

The only thing getting hurt with the vending machines being taken out of schools is the income of the person who ownes them. Well at least Mr. or Mrs vending machines kids won't be fat, because they won't have enough money eat anymore.. But I guess that's ok as long as the Governments feel like they've done something.

Of course if it was my decision I might be inclined to point my finger at the Insainly obese atrocity standing over them. The one buying the Groceries at the candy store. The one eating 6 meals a day infront of the TV watching Jerry Springer and drinking 6L of Pepsi a day. "But it's ok," they say, "It's only diet pepsi. FUCK YOU....Cow's eat grass all day and there fat..Find a better excuse.

So It's not ok to beat or neglect your child or social services will come and take them away, though it is OK to feed them into early heart disease or death.

My hat goes off to these parents for there complete lack of responsibility.

TOUCHEE!!!

2006-04-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

AM I THE ONLY ON WHO SEE'S THIS CONNECTION

So I've met alot of people that think pugs are one of the cutest thing ever created.................uummmm...aahh.....eerrr...Can this be true? Do people really believe this? This is the question i ask myself everytime someone shows me another pic of the next cutest, adorable pic of a pug they found.

WELL.......The question I ask is...are they really that cute? In my opinion A pug looks like a Baby with Down Syndrome. And I think most people would agree that a baby with Down Syndrome is just plain sad.."Poor unfortunate baby" they would say. "The mother must have been a heavy drinker", They would think.

But on the other hand they see a Pug and woo and aawwww over it. Talking about how cute it looks being exploited for our amusment in it's little pink wool over coat they bought at the local pet store.

The part for me I guess i can't get past is, THEY BOTH LOOK ALIKE!!!.
So if a baby with Down Syndrome is just plain sad, then why is a pug cute.

IT'S NOT!! FUCK OFF AND BUY A REAL DOG!!

2006-04-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

TRUST WHO?? I DON'T THINK SO!!

So myself with the rest of Christian believers are just expected to trust, to believe, have faith in some man name Jesus, some man that walked the face of the earth (possibly, but not likely) over 2000 years ago. The original pimp of the Christian's or the "O.P.C" As i'm going to reffer to him. Sure he dosen't have a bomb strapped to his chest or an AK47 in his hands, to command your attention, but what he does have is fear. The fear of H-E-L-L!!! Screw him and screw that.

You expect me to trust this guy??.......

FUCK THAT!! Though he does have a charming smile. But really dosen't every great con-man have a charming smile and a silver tongue. Sure he has the whole Martyr thing going for him....But baaahhh!!! what ever...He probly just stole a loaf of bread from the market and deserved what he got. (but that wouldn't make for good story telling)

Well I've decided to believe in my own God for the time being.......

He smokes, he wears cool Glasses, he dosen't groom himself very well and he can definatly bring plesure to the world.

Any suggestions or names would be welcomed. If Scientology Has there Lord Xenu, over lord of the universe then I don't see why Happy cock here can't have his own Religion, to get stinking filthy rich off of too.

(I would like to apologize for putting lord xenu in capitols....scientology dosen't deserve it)

2006-04-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

So Apparently I've had a few adventures in my life, that people keep telling me I should write down somewhere, "Share them with the world" I'm told. So I guess this is it.

Not sure if I should start with Innocence or Depravity. Both have there strong points, but let's face it, there really isn't anything that funny about innocence. Though on the other had, Fat people, Midgets, God, Retards, Homosexuals with a severe limp and stutter....Now there's something to laugh at. The special olympics....Honestly what's so special about it..Are they performing heart surgeory, sending people into space...No, there running around a track at one tenth the speed of a NORMAL OLYMPICS athelete, there doing the long jump with one fake leg, a crooked smile and eyes so crossed they've never been able to tell how many fingers they actually have.

So obviously, Definatly, of course it's easy to pick on and make fun of. And I do. I've laughed so hard some times at a drunk driving commercial or the little guy with severe down syndrome thanking the public for giving him a chance to stock shelves, that i almost peed myself.

Yes it's Sad, but sometimes sad is funny.